Lugie's Super Bowl XLIV Diary: Onion Dip's Revenge

It may not have the readership of the Emory Wheel, but I’m glad to again deliver my Super Bowl diary to BingBongSports. Let me set the scene:

We have a close group of 12-14 guys in attendance in what some have described as a modern version of the He-Man-Woman-Haters Club. Oh, and one guy was allowed to bring his wife. We make exceptions even for those tied to one vagina for the rest of their life, real smart Frank. Below is a list of the food for the party (and if you have a heart problem, please skip ahead to the next paragraph).

5 different types of chips/snack foods (Kettle Jalapeno chips = heaven)
Salsa, Onion Dip, Guacamole, Cheddar and Brie cheese (how classy am I springing for Brie?)
Pigs in a blanket
4 pizzas (2 cheese, 1 buffalo chicken, 1 BBQ chicken)
60 Wings

Thankfully, I struck a deal with Depends to sponsor the party in return for free adult diapers for all guests in attendance. And for the record this will be 1 of roughly 20 jokes I make regarding bowel movements. I’m sorry in advance, but poop sells.

Alright it’s time to get to the diary.

Bets for the crowd to follow along with:
- Super Bowl box #s (where you win with a combination of the last digit of each teams score)
- Under Carrie Underwood Anthem (1:42) (I’ll explain my change later)
- Under Kim Kardashian live appearances (2.5)
- Under Archie Manning live appearances (4.5)
- Under Hurricane Katrina references (2.5)
- The first play challenged will stand
- Clear/Water dumped on the winning coach (audibled from Red because RED has never won…research goes a long way in nutty bets like these)
- Under 57.5 points
- Almost everyone at the party bet the Colts

6:21 – Carrie Underwood Anthem time. Now despite writing that I was going to bet the over, an hour of pre-game research with prop-bet gurus Jeff Alexander and Jerry Silverberg had us clocking Carrie at 1:40ish from a sound-check rehearsal. This had us bet the under. As the anthem got to the half way mark, all of us liked how quick she got out to start along with some very fluid verse transitions. Then disaster strikes, as Carrie clearly had money on the over. She stretched out “free” an anthem record 10 seconds. Over hits, and I am pissed for second guessing myself.

6:28 – Head Referee Scott Green? A Jewish ref? I like my chances on this coin toss!

6:28 – Shades of Tom Brady in 2006, a player I hate comes out to do the coin toss - EMMIT SMITH. THE COIN IS UP….HEADS! I give a Kobe fist pump to the crowd. 3-PEAT!!!! Look, we can analyze this until the cows come home, but heads came to play today and is in the midst of a coin toss dynasty.

6:31 – Up before the game starts thanks to another clutch heads performance. And we are on our way in Super Bowl XLIV.

6:33 – I bet the under and the first drive for the Saints is a 3 and out. The Lugie/Jerry “Tickkkkkkkkk tick tick tick tick tickkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk” comes out less than 2 minutes into the game.

6:35 – A Colts first down off the bat prompts the most premature anything since guest Sean Mobasser had sexual relations with his girlfriend earlier in the day. Jerry Silverberg: “I should have bet more on the Colts” – To quote the Wolf in Pulp Fiction, “Let’s not start sucking each other’s d*#ks just yet.” (If you are my 13-year old nieces reading this, the bleeped out word is Ducks, I swear).

6:43 – Look - if you are going to shove religion down my throat during the Super Bowl, at least come out swinging. I may not shutdown my backdoor abortion clinic, but hey, at least we can have a conversation about the topic with respect. Tim Teebow and his mom say absolutely nothing about abortion or pro-life in a watered down network TV cop out. I wish Tim was never born. There I said it.

6:48 – Reggie Bush makes his first catch as we all brace for a Kim Kardashian shot. Straight to replay! Love you CBS.

6:59 – A Joseph Addai sighting! Addai literally breaks Darren Sharper’s ankles – who thought Addai would step it up tonight?

7:01 – Pierre “The Waiter” Garcon gets the TD from Peyton Manning – the Colts are dominating early up 10-0.

7:03 – Danica Patrick and GoDaddy.com are back. I think we’ve all realized after years of going to the site looking for porn that GoDaddy is a huge disappointment. Mr. Dave Silverstein yells at the TV, “THERE IS NOTHING MORE at GoDaddy.com…trust me, I’ve gone.”

7:20 – In an ad everyone will be talking about around the water cooler Monday, a hilarious jab at the Leno vs. the world feud with Letterman-Oprah-Leno. WHO YOU KICKING OUT OF YOUR HOT TUB? (After the game: Jerry Silverberg informs me they asked Conan to do the ad and he declined. Think he still hates Leno? You bet ya.)

7:21 – Definitely one of my favorite ads of the night so far. Casual Fridays at the office shows a ton of guys not wearing pants. I’ve had this dream every day for the last 20 years, and someone just put it in a commercial for me. And as I’m writing this, I realize I have no clue what company the ad is for so it gets docked points for lack of brand impression.

7:21 – Back-to-back pants-less commercials! USA! USA!

7:25 – The Waiter drops a HUGE 3rd down ball from Peyton Manning and everyone in attendance at the time is saying it's a turning point in the game. The Colts are leaving the Saints around early.

7:27 – Bud Light counters the early Doritos lead with an amazing jab at the Lost hysteria. Budweiser back in the mix against Doritos for commercial king.

7:35 – BIG 3rd down coming up – the Saints are knocking on the door to tie this game – we are at the 2 minute warning and with only 13 points being scored, the sky high O/U of 57.5 points is almost a lock to go under. Score another one for the good guys.

7:37 – Note to self - don’t send flowers in a box – who says you can’t learn how to be a good boyfriend watching football?

7:39 – The Colts get a MONSTER stop on 3rd down still leading 10-3. The crowd at the party goes nuts as 5 of us in attendance have the Colts 0, Saints 6 in a box game. That’s a HUGE potential halftime win if you are scoring at home.

7:42 – THE SAINTS ARE GOING FOR IT ON 4th down? The crowd in attendance becomes visibly angry and violent as we see a huge box game win go down the drain. The Saints get stopped as we all take some solace in the Saints crapping the bed early.

7:46 – The FLO TV commercial is gold as Jim Nantz gives us hysterical play-by-play of a guy getting led around by his girlfriend shopping for the least masculine items possible. Did several people say this was me during the commercial because I have a girlfriend? Yes. Do I have pottery class and book club this week? Maybe – but that doesn’t make me any less of a man!

7:47 – After completely writing off our halftime box win, Sean Payton gets a do over on his 4th down call as the Saints get the ball back with under a minute and a field goal very much in play

7:50 – As the Saints line up for a halftime ending field goal – 5 of us at the party lock arms praying for a make. The Kick is up… REDEMPTION! – YOU CAN PUT IT ON THE BOARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRD YES!

7:51 – Recap at the half – because of the huge drop by The Waiter, the Colts ran almost no meaningful plays in the 2nd quarter, yet still lead 10-6. On other bets, a big box game win for most of the party and no sign of Archie Manning, Kim Kardashian or Hurricane Katrina. I said it on the podcast, CBS is a professional telecast. If this had been Fox, I’m pretty sure we would have seen Kim Kardashian's thong 5 times by now.

8:02 – There was a bet we declined to take on the over/under 5.5 Pete Townshend guitar windmills during the half time show. The over was the heavy favorite for good reason. We all erupt as Townshend goes nut-so on the guitar out to an early 4 windmills.

8:08 – 6 MORE WINDMILSS in a row from Townshend. The crowd groans as we realized we passed up easy money.

8:12 – I can't help but think the sick part of me aches for the days of nipple-gate. Imagine if we’d had a medley of Miley Cyrus, Lady Gaga and LMAFO with Lil John – there is no way we’d have gotten out of that halftime show without full on sex happening on live TV. (I just vomited in my mouth a little thinking about how that would work.)

8:22 – WOW SEAN PAYTON HAS ICE IN HIS VEINS. The Saints recover the onside kick to start the half after Hank “I'm married to a girl with really fake boobies” Baskett fumbles the football like he’s never felt all natural pigskin before. I have to give Sean Payton credit - he didn’t come this far to play conservative like so many other coaches.

8:28 – Pierre Thomas sneaks in for the score on a pass from Drew Brees. Who Dat Nation going nuts in New Orleans as the Saints take a 13-10 lead.

8:35 – Peyton Manning drops a ridiculous touch pass to Dallas Clark for a big gain. As Jerry Silverberg points out tracking the pulse of Twitter during the game, several people Tweeted something similar to “all those Saints fans and players celebrating must have forgotten Peyton Manning plays for the Colts.”

8:37 – Manning to Clark down to the 5 prompts a ‘White Power’ chant from a guest who will remain anonymous. By sheer coincidence this is the same guy who dropped this gem during the 2006 Super Bowl: 2006 7:21 p.m.: This next moment is sending us straight to hell. The ad for campaignforrealbeauty.com comes on, which somehow sparks a sarcastic slow clap followed by boos and laughs. As one friend put it, "For the money they just spent on that commercial, they could have gotten plastic surgery for every one of those girls." An hour into the game, it's safe to say we are all wasted.

8:38 – The Colts answer RIGHT back as Joseph Addai goes in for the score. 17-13 Colts as Who Dat Nation realizes…crap, this is Peyton FREAKIN’ Manning.

8:45 – Another Reggie Bush first down and no Kim Kardashian. Now I’m just dying to see her cause I’ve had a few drinks and I’m feeling a little frisky.

8:48 – We get confirmation that the Barney Stinson number for the How I Met Your Mother ad is indeed real and that if you call it you can set up a date with him. I have Wednesday February 5th in 2018!

8:49 – The Saints respond with a field goal that gets them within 1 – the way the Colts and Peyton are playing, I personally would have gone for it 4th and 2 from the Colts 30. But hey, that’s why I’m sitting here on a cheap green leather couch straight out of myfirstauditions.com, and why Sean Payton coaches in the NFL. (I have no idea if that site is real, but I’d guess it is NSFW)

8:50 – AWESOME Google commercial. Had the crowd really into it, sustained interest, and unlike some of the other ads trying to get cute with no punch line, everyone could relate to it. Jerry let's us know the Twitter crowd agrees it is the ad of the night. BING JUST GOT SERVED!
8:54 – A few of us get into a discussion of how much better Jim Nantz and Phil Simms are calling the game vs. the half-dead Joe Buck and the good, but serviceable, Troy Aikman. It really is not even close, and to boot, CBS is focused on the game and not Kim Kardashian bending over to pick up a Frito off the ground in her luxury box (obvi can't go an entire column without at least one pic!)

8:56 – 4th quarter – Do or die time for the party betting the Colts.

9:02 – In a critical play in the game, Coach Manning says go for it on a 4th and 2 on the Saints 42-yard line. Manning wheels and deals at the line and hits Reggie Wayne with a strike on a slant route. Someone wake Jim Caldwell up from his nap. WE GOT A BALL GAME!

9:05 – Matt Stover misses a 51 yard field goal that really should not have been attempted. At age 42 he needed the entire north side of the stadium blowing to even get the distance on it, but that didn’t keep it from hooking hard left.

9:13 – The pro-Colts crowd at the party goes deathly silent as Jeremy Shockey scores a Super Bowl touchdown. I can hear from my window Giants fans lighting themselves on fire. Saints 22-17…and going for 2.

9:19 – Talk about a play that looked incomplete before you get the super duper trooper slow mo replay. The play gets overturned and the 2-point conversion is good – a few of us lose our 'play stands' on the first challenge bet – and the Colts are down a 7. WE NEED A HERO! Can Peyton deliver?

9:21 – Anyone want to take off work Tuesday for the Denny’s free grand slam meal between 6 am and 2 pm? ROAD TRIP! Let’s drive to as many tri-state Denny’s locations as possible and just stock up on grand slam goodness. Someone at the party points out that the chicken playing the president in the commercial isn’t black. Anyone want to bet Al Sharpton will be out on a crusade tomorrow asking Americans to boycott Denny’s?

9:23 – Peyton rallies the troops and gets us started with a 17-yard pass to The Waiter. Plenty of time remaining.

9:29 – I’ll leave this one unedited: WAHHHHHHHHHHP:KLJDAS:KLD:LSAKFIKSl;akjsdflkasdj – STUNNED. All the life in room just completely went dead. Manning INTASLKDHALJKSHDSA. Saints up 31-17.

9:34 – “Brees is the MVP, Baskett is a goat and Caldwell should be fired” – Jeff Alexander’s game recap. None of us can believe it. We all knew the Saints were a good team, but it’s Peyton Manning. It’s Peyton F-ING MANNING! My head is spinning thinking about this – or maybe that’s just the onion dip seeping into my blood stream.

9:37 – I CAN’T STRESS THIS ENOUGH: DO NOT GO TO GODADDY.COM. IT’S A TRICK! THERE ARE NO BOOBS! THERE ARE NO BOOBS!

9:43 – Peyton frantically tries to rally the troops down field for a two TD miracle, but it was not to be. Wayne drops a 4th down pass in the end zone and it’s all over from Miami. For as solid as the Colts looked on offense at times, credit the Saints defense for giving up only 17 points and making the big play to the house when it mattered. Ah, to be a fly on the wall in a French Quarter bathroom stall right now – New Orleans GOING nuts.

9:45 – ORANGE GATORADE?!?!?! Really? What kind of team drinks orange Gatorade? Things have taken a turn for the worse as we lose our Gatorade color bet.

10:00 Who let the grumpy old dude hold the trophy – ANYONE REMEMBER WHEN TOM BENSON TRIED TO MOVE THE SAINTS TO SAN ANTONIO AFTER KATRINA? What a joke and a scum bag.

10:01 – Random celebrity sighting in the post game. How did the Ragin Cajun, Mr. James Carville, get on the field?

10:04 – To sum up the night, a hot start with HEADS and the halftime box game win followed by the Colts loss turned this year’s Super Bowl into a big even Steven event. Credit CBS for giving us wins on nearly every fun prop bet with Kardashian, Archie Manning and Hurricane Katrina not mentioned at all (don’t worry we texted ‘Haiti’ to 90099 to offset cheering against Katrina so we don’t go to hell). Despite being even, when you factor in the co-pay and after insurance costs of the colonoscopy I have scheduled in the AM, I came out way behind (pun very intended). Peyton fails to cement himself in football lore, and while I don’t doubt he will be back, as a fan of Peyton, it is hugely disappointing.

10:17 – Alcohol consumption for the party was mild to light, with really just a few people having some beers during the game. Unbeknownst to all us, Mr. Sean ‘Moby’ Mobasser was completely destroyed by the end of the game. How did I learn this? We find Moby staring out my kitchen window into other apartments with his pants at his ankles and wee-wee hanging out for all to see. And just when I thought the party couldn’t get any more disgusting …Moby went and did something like this. AND TOTALLY REDEEMED HIMSELF!

So what did we learn this year? CBS doesn’t show celebrities on TV, avoid bathrooms at work tomorrow and Peyton Manning is human. After a long football season, it’s hard to be unhappy with the Saints and New Orleans winning, but in the end it's still a disappointing outcome.

-Steve Lugerner

P.S. If you took any props with your friends on this column, here is how you scored:
O/U 4.5 Poop or colon-type references – UNDER
O/U 2.5 Kim Kardashian sexual innuendo - OVER
O/U 1.5 Old School references - OVER
O/U 1.5 references to Boobs – OVER
O/U 3.5 misspelled words (I obviously can’t determine this one) - TBD
REVISED at 1:17 PM - The OVER HIT! This is what happens trying to edit your own work at 3 am.

Super Bowl Gamblers Anonymous: Livin' in a Gambler's Paradise

It all comes down to this. The last football game of the year to bet on. Millions of Americans Sunday will place a wager, enter some type of office box game pool or guess the score with friends and family for dollars at their small Super Bowl parties. Super Bowl Sunday not only unites America, it brings the casual fan and degenerate gamblers uncomfortably close together. It really is the only day a year where a compulsive gambler goes from being a waste of space with a problem, to an expert in his craft seeking advice from regular people. Suddenly, years of anxiety, brutal losing streaks and idiotic bets makes you an expert and even revered among your friends. “Hey I know you bet on sports, and even though you never win and go days without showering, who do you think is going to win?” It’s like our Christmas and (don’t say Super Bowl, don’t say Super Bowl, don’t say Super Bowl) and, uh, Super Bowl all rolled into one event! (Crap).

If I was a legit handicapper of NFL games, I’d show you my 55%+ record against the spread (ATS) and say these are my can’t miss picks for the Super Bowl. But, not only do I pick nowhere close to that %, but I’m way too lazy to look back and even give you an accurate %. So if you have any doubt with my analysis, my advice is to pick against me (but if my pick is to pick against me, now what do you do?).

Let’s get to my official bets for Super Bowl Sunday.

How long will it take Carrie Underwood to sing the National Anthem? O (+130) / U (-16) 1 minute 42 seconds – OVER – All the game tape out there suggests 1 minute 40 is the right time here. All the action on the under suggests everyone agrees. However, I’m going against the grain for three reasons: A) Carrie Underwood has the potential to knock it out of the park with her voice. I expect a little more grandstanding from her on the Anthem’s biggest stage. B) Recent history suggests that singers have generally gone over on this bet (Elton John and Jordin Sparks are notable Anthem-extenders). And finally, C) as BingBong advocate Jeff Alexander says “BETTING THE UNDER IS UN-AMERICAN!”

What Color will the Gatorade be that is dumped on the Head Coach of the Winning Super Bowl Team? RED +1000 – If you haven’t had a chance to listen to the podcast (or just don’t like the sound of two whiny Jewish voices for 30 minutes talking about nonsense), I highly recommend fast forwarding to the 5 minute discussion on what Gatorade color will be poured on the winning coach at the end of the game. You can actually listen to us getting dumber. Let’s start here with the assumption the Colts win. There is zero chance the Colts have water on the sideline – so throw out “Clear” from the equation. Additionally, I read recently "Clear/Water" had hit in 3 straight Super Bowls before last year’s “Yellow” dousing of Mike Tomlin - it can’t possibly pull out wins in 4 of 5 years. “Yellow” seems too obvious at 10/13 odds, and no one likes betting the favorite. With “Lime Green” and “Blue” never in contention, by process of elimination, I’m going with RED in a huge upset here.

What will be the result of the Super Bowl XLIV Coin Toss? HEADS - Will heads make it three straight? Is tails going to be able to regroup and stop the bleeding? Did heads make the right move by not showing too much in the Pro Bowl coin toss?

Here are the facts:

• The coin will be two sided
• One side will be “heads”
• One side will be “tails”

Because this may be foreign for some of you, I was also able to pull this from Wikipedia in the article titled “Heads or Tails.”

Heads or Tails is a coin-tossing game. Most coins have a side where the imprint of a person's head, such as a current or former head of state, is impressed — this side is called the "heads" side. The other side is called the "tails" side, irrespective of its design. Technically, the heads and tails sides are known as the obverse and reverse, respectively.

RULES: Generally, one person throws the coin up in the air, and the second person must predict which side of the coin will lay face up after it rests back on the ground. A correct prediction results in a win. Another variation has the person catch the coin in one hand and slap it on the back of their other hand. Traditionally, the second person calls out "heads" or "tails" while the coin is in the air.

Now in Good Will Hunting Style, here is my mathematical proof why Heads will win this year’s Super Bowl coin toss (If you haven’t quit on this joke yet stay with me…)

• The Spanish Armada sailed in 1588
• Christopher Columbus was Spanish, a sailor and known to wear pants in public
• Donald Duck had a tail and never wore pants in public
• Roger Rabbit had a tail and wore pants in public
• Rabbits can’t talk, that’s crazy!
• Tracey Morgan is black
• Cuba Gooding Jr. is black and played Rod Tidwell in the movie Jerry Maguire
• The human head weighs 8 pounds!
• Therefore, HEADS will win the Super Bowl coin toss.

(Note to self: Next year devote more time on BingBongSports to Super Bowl coin toss analysis)

How Many Times will CBS show Archie Manning on TV during the Game? O (-190) / U (+155) 4 times – UNDER 4 – Heavy action apparently went on Archie getting a ton of face time and the line went up hard from 2.5 to 4 (which for a prop bet is a big move). At -190 there is no value betting the over here. If this game was on FOX, this would be a tougher line for me. However, CBS is a much more professional telecast. Take the under here getting great odds.

What color top will Kim Kardashian be wearing at the Super Bowl? – Any Other Color than Black or White 6/5– White is a summer color. It won't reach 70 degrees on Sunday in Miami, which isn't exactly summer weather. Let’s rule that out. Kardashian has way too nice a body to wear black. Black is used to hide one's shape, and she’s been peddling Quick Trim in recent weeks like her time as a celebrity could go away any day (one can only pray). In the market research consulting world, we call this sending mixed messages to the consumer and overall poor corporate branding if she come sout wearing black. What’s left? NOT BLACK NOT WHITE for the win!

As for the actual game:
O/U 56.5 – UNDER - Ignore everything I said earlier about betting the under is like betting against America. All over/under lines get inflated up because no one wants to root against points and we almost always envision higher scoring games than actually happen. Despite two ridiculous offenses, these are also two very solid defenses to just let up 57+ points easily. Throw in the game jitters players will feel Super Bowl Sunday, and you have to expect some choppy play early (drops, punts, conservative play calling, etc.). I think the game starts slower than the hype, and it will be smooth sailing to well under 56.5 points.

Colts -4.5 over Saints – With Dwight Freeney injury concerns for the Colts Sunday, money has gone back on the Saints. Hard to believe this line got as high as Saints +6 on some websites. As I mentioned on the podcast, the Colts tendency to get down in games and the Saints ability to jump out to a quick lead with their offense makes me hesitant to endorse the Colts giving 6 points. But at -4.5? I can’t bail on Peyton and the Colts - not here, not now, not ever. Recap diary coming monday. Happy Super Bowl everyone.

-Steve Lugerner

Live Pictures from the Super Bowl XLIV!

Friend of the blog David Snyder (no relation to Dan Snyder) has credentials every year to take pictures on the field at the Super Bowl (nice gig right?). Check out this link to his blog throughout the day Friday to get live picture updates from Miami and Sun Life Stadium.


http://snyderpix.blogspot.com/



-Steve Lugerner

Super Bowl Gambling Podcast

(CLICK ON TITLE OF ARTICLE TO DOWNLOAD or LOAD IN iTunes: Go to Advanced, Subscribe to Podcast, and cut and http://www.bingbongsports.com/feeds/posts/default)

BingBongSports presents its second podcast installment: 30 minutes of pure Super Bowl banter and nonsense from Kim Kardashian topless to the eternal struggle, Heads vs. Tails. It also took 3 attempts to get the introduction recorded because Jeff couldn’t stop giggling during the opening Taylor Swift song. Below is an outline of the podcast in case you want to skip around:

2:00 - 6:00 – Game Analysis, Game line and Over/Under
6:00 – 9:30 – Should I go to the Super Bowl?
9:30 – 15:30 - Player and Team Props; The Coin Toss

• 10:30 – Drew Brees passing yards: even or odd?
• 11:20 – Heads vs. Tails
• 12:45 – Game MVPs
• 14:30 – We find out what Jeff does at work

15:00 – Wacky Super Bowl prop bets

• 15:00 – Who will the MVP of the Super Bowl thank first?
• 16:40 – # of CBS views of Archie Manning, Eli Manning and Kim Kardashian
• 18:15 – Kim Kardashian’s top color
• 19:30 – O/U on Carrie Underwood singing the National Anthem
• 22:15 – Nielsen Rating O/U 42.9
• 22:45 – Highest rated commercial according to USA Today
• 24:20 – How many monkeys will appear in Super Bowl commercials?
• 24:55 – Color of the liquid poured on the winning coach (more analysis than you can ever imagine)
• 28:00 – Which CBS show will get the most promo during the game?
  

-Steve Lugerner and Jeff Alexander

BingBongSports Super Bowl Programming

Tuesday - I'll sit down with the asymmetrical smile king himself, Jeff Alexander, to discuss the Super Bowl, Super Bowl prop bets and whatever else we can cram into a 30 minutes window.

Wednesday/Thursday - If time allows, Lugie's Guide to a Successful Man-Only Super Bowl Party

Friday - Gamblers Anonymous returns with my list of bets on the big game.

Monday - Super Bowl Diary recapping the triumphs and disasters that are the Super Bowl

-Steve Lugerner

A Grammy-Pro Bowl Diary? I've Made a Huge Mistake!

As I sat in my room Sunday afternoon suffering through the first week without a meaningful football game in nearly 5 months, I struggled to come up with a story/column/blog-diarrhea for Monday morning. And now, I’ve made the biggest mistake of my short blogging career. Travolta did Battle Field Earth, Damon did Good Will Hunting 2: Hunting Season, Debbie Does Dallas and now Lugerner does a Grammy-Pro Bowl Diary. Honestly, what the hell was I thinking? The Grammys were 3 ½ hours long and the Pro Bowl had me opting for TV I haven’t watched since my Grandma was alive (we’ll get to that later). I don’t know how I did it or why I did it, but I ask for your forgiveness in advance.

Now that I’ve set the bar as low as humanly possible, let’s get to it.

7:25 – Honor Society sings the national anthem at the Pro Bowl in a brisk 1:33. Why is this relevant? BingBongSports’ own Jared Silverberg has been researching Carrie Underwood national anthems at sporting events for the last week in order to get a read on the O/U line for the Super Bowl (currently at 1:40). I’m bitter they didn’t show the coin toss, but I’m fine with Heads limiting its play book before next week’s big game.

8:00 – Wade Philips and Norv Turner are the Pro Bowl coaches? I’ve made a huge mistake.

8:02 – Lady Gaga comes out in an outfit she stole from Duane Johnson in The Tooth Fairy plus some stripper heals for class. With all the rumors that Gaga is a hermaphrodite, post-op tranny, or some life form man has yet to discover, I’ve never been more confused with my own sexuality as I am right now.

8:02:20 - I kid you not, I wrote that last sentence 20 seconds before Elton John joined Lady Gaga for a piano duet. In a totally unrelated move, I just put on a new pair of capri pants and macramé myself some jean shorts.

8:14 – Three dudes just accepted the Grammy for "Single Ladies." This really isn’t helping me understand myself after that crazy opening number. I better flip back to the Pro Bowl ASAP.

8:17 – ESPN has Ravens linebacker Ray Lewis mic’d up yelling all kinds of scary nonsense. How have we not used him in interrogation of terrorists? Forget Guantanamo - put these guys in a room with Ray wearing full pads and we’ll know where Osama is within minutes. My aggressive, sloppy man mojo is back, sealing its return with a belch, fart and crotch scratch in the span of thirty seconds.

8:21 – Two commercials! Pee break!

8:28 – This is my “you don’t really need to know but I’m going to tell you anyways” story for the diary – I had a very weird dream Saturday night that Beyonce was demanding that I be her girlfriend. I told my real girlfriend this and she subsequently made fun of me throughout the entire Beyonce performance :(. Hey, it could happen!
(Random other part of that dream sports related: Gary Payton was in a helicopter accident, with Kevin Garnett (in full Celtic warm-ups) and I standing on in horror as they put Gary into an ambulance. If anyone can explain the meaning of this dream to me I’d really like to know).

8:30 –Text from reader Jeff Alexander “Norv Turner - great pro bowl coach or the greatest?” – And the Chargers are giving him a contract extension?!

8:37 – A joke from my roommate Josh Levitch: “I bet Snookie lost her virginity at age 13 in a Poughkeepsie Olive Garden bathroom.” I would totally believe this. The Jersey Shore giving the Grammys some legitimacy!

8:45 – Random Lugie Hypothetical of the Day - Gun to your head: Pink or Lady Gaga? (Hmmm need to find a way to incorporate the Pro Bowl here). Pink, Lady Gaga or Jon Gruden with long hair? Sadly, I know a few guys that if they were drunk enough this would pretty much be a toss-up for them.

9:00 – It’s halftime of the Pro Bowl - 17-17. I’m making an executive decision to abandon Pro Bowl viewing for the Grammys, and use my other DVR setting for re-runs of the Golden Girls on Lifetime. It’s the one where Blanche acts like a slut and Dorothy says something snippy! Honestly, this will be wildly more entertaining than the Pro Bowl.

9:06 – Best accidental song I’ve ever downloaded on iTunes: "Need You Now" by Lady Antebellum. Great song and performance.
(Song I was trying to download and misclicked? LMFAO & Lil Jon – Shots. I only play it now when I want to bang my head on the wall over and over again for 5 minutes straight.)

9:25 – T-Pain, Doug E. Fresh, Jamie Foxx, and Slash sharing the stage – WHO YOU KICKING OUT OF YOUR HOT TUB? Now that’s the after party I want to be at.

9:45 – Taylor Swift!!! OMGOMOGMOMGOGMGOMGOG. STEVIE NICKS!!!! OMGOMOGMGMOGMOG. Awesome performance by two sexy ladies
(I looked it up – Taylor is old enough and Stevie is young enough for me to make that comment.)

10:10 – Jon Bon Jovi looks as good as he did 20 years ago. If you watched close enough during "Livin’ on a Prayer" you should have seen The Situation and Snookie conceiving a love child in the pit area, fist pumping until climax. JERSEY PRIDE!

10:19 – "I’m On a Boat" got a Grammy nomination? David Garrard made the Pro Bowl? Jeez they let anyone get a little action at these events.

10:22 – Checking back with the Pro Bowl, I'm still waiting for the players to ‘try’ like Mike Tirico promised they would in the 4th quarter. The AFC is up 7 with 6 minutes remaining, leaving little hope the NFC will cover the -3 spread.
(What? You thought I couldn't possibly bet on the Pro Bowl? Come on!)

10:43 – It’s all over from Miami. AFC 41 - NFC 34. Running a bath of gasoline as I write this.

10:46 – Ricky Martin is alive? I am shocked and mildly excited? 2 ½ + hours in and it’s safe to say I’m losing my mind.

11:15 – Young MONEY, Eminem and Drake performance is awesome. But I guess Lil’ Wayne didn’t get the memo you can’t curse on network TV because we only hear about 25% of his opening verse that CBS didn't bleep out. And cue General Larry Platt re: Lil’ Wayne’s pants: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SY8uzqNi4sA.

11:20 – Despite being 3 ½ hours in length, I think well over half of the Grammys telecast was commercials. This allowed me to do do my taxes, write this blog post, perform the 4 S’s, and figure out what the smell coming from my fridge was without missing an action packed Grammy moment!
(If you had month-old mozzarella in your office pool, you are a winner).

11:25 – Taylor Swift winning album of the year is vindication for all us grown men out there who have been singing her songs for the last year despite ridicule and scorn from family and friends. WE DID IT GUYS! WE DID IT!

11:30 – Hey, if you’ve read this far in a Grammy-Pro Bowl Diary, we really should have some type of prize for you. Maybe a BingBongSports t-shirt or something? And with that being said, even a train wreck of an article must come to an end.

Fin

-Steve Lugerner

Throwback Super Bowl Diary 2006: Where Lugie's Line Began

Digging through the Emory Wheel archives, I stumbled across my Super Bowl Diary from 2006 - In one of the worst Super Bowls in recent memory between the Seattle Seahawks and Pittsburgh Steelers. I even added back in one of my favorite lines that was cut by a Wheel editor. Some nice Friday reading (hey if NFL films can show every old Super Bowl for 2 weeks, why can't I post my old Super Bowl diaries?):

Column: Lugie's Line - Super letdown: Game doesn't live up to hype

By Steven Lugerner (2/10/2006)

I've been dreading writing this column for two days now. I keep asking myself how can I write an entertaining Super Bowl diary on the worst game, commercials and halftime production I've seen in my 21 years on the planet? Well, here goes.

3:01 p.m: I was not planning on starting my column this early, but out of the corner of my eye a GODDESS appeared on the HDTV: Matt Hasselbeck's mom. Maybe the most attractive older woman I've ever seen. In retrospect, it was the highlight of the entire ABC telecast.

6:21 p.m: It's time for kickoff. I set up my room with two HDTVs and seating for about 20 people. Now, the average sports fan or even casual fan will put money on a team for the big game (I took Seattle). But it takes a real man (or a real gambling problem) to place wagers on proposition bets. For example: Coin Toss - I'm going with my go-to man on this, HEADS to make a comeback after losing to TAILS last year. My roommate, however, thinks it's a terrible bet, reminding me that "Tails never fails."

6:23 p.m: Tom Brady gets booed wearing a velvet sports coat you'd expect to see on Prince and not on a three-time Super Bowl winner. What was the NFL thinking asking him to do the coin toss? I take it as a bad omen for my coin toss bet since I hate every Boston sports franchise.

6:24 p.m: "It's TAILS" - F&#@ YOU TOM BRADY, GET OFF THE FIELD.

6:39 p.m.: Bud Light wows the crowd with the rotating Magic Fridge. On the first four commercial breaks, Bud Light spent $10 million, and all were funny. For this, I might actually make an effort to drink only Bud Light.

7:03 p.m: Yes, as you have noticed we are 40 minutes into the game and I have written nothing about the action on the field. That's how boring and disastrous both teams are playing. One of my friends passes out and is immediately removed by security.

7:09 p.m: So girls you want to know what guys talk about during football games? Somehow a debate comes up over sideline reporter Suzi Kolber's "grooming habits." This went on for a good 15 minutes. [edited out in print edition] I hear landing strip is going off at 4 to 1.

7:21 p.m: This next moment is sending us straight to hell. The ad for campaignforrealbeauty.com comes on, which somehow sparks a sarcastic slow clap followed by boos and laughs.
As one friend put it, "For the money they just spent on that commercial, they could have gotten plastic surgery for every one of those girls." An hour into the game, it's safe to say we are all wasted.

7:34: Finally, a football play to write about. Roethlisberger avoids the rush and hits Hines Ward on the first big play of the game. For as bad as the Steelers have played, Seattle has not capitalized. Roethlisberger scores on a QB sneak to put Pittsburgh up 7-3.

7:58: Time to recap the first half. If it wasn't for all the boos and the promise of dancing TriDelt pledges, I would have fallen asleep 30 minutes ago. At 7-3, however, the game is at least close.

8:01 p.m: A worst-case nightmare scenario plays out in my room. THE CABLE GOES OUT! Everyone is freaking out. I'm screeching like a little girl. Ten other guys are all calling Comcast.Complete anarchy has descended upon the room.

8:03 p.m: There was one man who kept his head level in our time of crisis. Josh Goldstein fixed the unplugged cord. He earns a standing ovation and MVP honors.

8:46 p.m: It's gotten bad - real bad. The keg is kicked. Seattle's down 11, and TriDelts are nowhere to be found. We need a Super Bowl miracle.

9:28 p.m: Pittsburgh pulls off a trick play. Antwaan Randle El gets the ball on a reverse, and I immediately yell, "He is passing the ball!"
Everyone watching knew he would throw. Hines Ward goes in for the touchdown. For all the complaining about bad officiating, this game came down to Seattle giving up several big plays. This was the biggest of them all.

10:01 p.m: Finally, the game ends. Steelers 21, Seahawks 10. Super Bowl XL was a complete bust.

10:23 p.m: If there is one guy I'm happy for, it's Bill Cowher. When his career is over, he will go down as one of the greatest NFL coaches of all time.
On another note, Michael Irvin is maybe the dumbest man on the face of the earth. All I can think about is saying, "Mr. Irvin, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul."
(Just to show how drunk I am at this point, here are the notes for this entry: "bill cower- i';m ahppy for him....miheal irvin....you sucsakakdfble.....")

10:39p.m: So I went 1-7 in proposition wagers, Seattle lost the game, and some girl thinks it's all right to eat my Golden Grahams. Talk about kicking a guy when he's down.

I end the night alone watching "Grey's Anatomy." Empty wing plates are scattered everywhere. Pretty pathetic.

I'm going to go cry myself to sleep.

-Steven Lugerner

Agent Zero, Randy Winn on JDate, Lincoln Logs and Oden in Boogie Nights 2

A few stories to talk about today:

• In a decision that really was not a surprise at all, NBA Commissioner David Stern suspended Gilbert Areans and Javaris Crittenton for the remainder of the NBA season for their unlicensed gun show in the Verizon Center locker room. At this point, I’m resigned to the Wizards sucking for the next 5 years barring some miracle or Michael Jordan himself coming back to play for us (crap - we tried that once). What really pissed me off yesterday was our GM and President Ernie Grunfeld talking about Arenas in his press conference like they were ready to move on and expect him to play out his contract. Earth to Ernie – the guy is never playing for us again. Not only are fans like myself furious with him and his antics, but you just sold him out and erased his picture from the arena façade and pregame video like Michael J. Fox being erased from existence in Back to the Future I. What I’ll be happy to see is Ernie getting the boot once the Wizards ownership situation is settled with the death of Abe Pollin. He staked his entire credibility with the Big 3 (Jamison Butler and Arenas) and not only did it fail, but he kept the failed experiment together for three more years than he should with drastically diminishing returns. Ernie has already outlasted the usual life span of a GM in pro sports these days, and was an enabler with Gilbert to the point the franchise lost all control over him. And I thought last year I hit Chad Ford’s lottery machine an unhealthy amount hoping the Wizards would get Blake Griffin….it will be exponentially worse for Kentucky’s John Wall (and in case you missed it on Twitter: chadfordinsider It's not Wiz's year RT @bingbongsports Took 39 tries for Wiz to get #1 & John Wall (11.9%) even on a lottery machine we are unlucky)


• Sad to see Johnny Damon and the Yankees part ways this week. The Yankees decided to go with Randy Winn at a much cheaper price. Winn is a solid player with good speed, and the fantasy baseball equivalent of a girl on JDate that if you talk to enough of your friends, you quickly realize you've all taken her on a date in the last year. Never wows you with her stats, usually a 1-2 week pick up until you can find a better option and maybe, just maybe, she can put together lightning in a bottle with a week of home runs and stolen bases.
• By some stroke of bad luck, I somehow follow more Mets twitter accounts than anything else. I couldn’t stop laughing the other day as Mets fans were freaking out about other teams signing starting pitchers Ben Sheets (who’s arm after his most recent surgery I’m told is being held together by crazy glue and Lincoln Logs) and Jon Garland (career 4.42 ERA). I even saw 4-5 people talking about bringing Pedro back!

• On the “things I was curious about but never thought I’d actually get to see” scale of 0-10 – the Greg Oden frontal nudity pics were a solid 8. The only one higher on this scale for male nudity is Shaq, and that’s only because his has been talked about to the point its right up there with the Loch Ness Monster and Big Foot as far as myth and folklore. And now that I’ve thoroughly creeped my readers out, we can stop there for the day.

-Steve Lugerner

Lugie's List 1-25: I'm in Miami B!#%H

Late last night I convinced the BingBongSports editorial board to send me to the Super Bowl in Miami as part of BingBong’s around the clock coverage. My first question on media day to Jeremy Shockey - were you 'intimidated' by Visante Shaincoe’s locker room video as much as I was (and for the love of god, if you are going to Google the Shaincoe video, just know it isn’t suitable for work). I'll follow up with a few questions on his favorite color and how he would restructure the health care reform bill. I’ll fit right in with the other idiot reporters on media day.

Here is this weeks list:

1. AFC Championship: I really thought the Jets had it Sunday - so much so I was starting to fear a Jets win would cause Long Island to implode and sink into the Long Island Sound if they won. Really impressive numbers Peyton Manning put up against a ridiculously good Jets D (although at this point is anything Peyton Manning does that surprising?). Not much to say here other than the number of Peyton Super Bowl ads is currently set at 2.5.

2. NFC Championship: Likely will go down as one of the best NFC title games of all time. Nerves on both sides led to way too many fumbles literally giving fans a heart attack. My friend and BBS loyalist Jeff Alexander had to change his boxers three times during the game to put it in perspective. Everyone is going to say the Vikings gave away this game, and that is partially true. However, I really thought the Saints play calling was atrocious Sunday. The Colts and Vikings didn’t have any delusions – their run games had been really ineffective in recent weeks and ended up passing on most downs. The Saints, despite having an absurdly good passing attack, completely ditched trying to get the ball down field and kept taking the ball out of Drew Brees’ hands. This was not Sean Payton’s best game coaching - that’s for sure.

3. And then there is the vintage ‘Brett Favre-throw-across-his-body-into-coverage-late-game-INT-that-cost-his-team-the-game’ pass that the 6pm SportCenter will have a field day with today. If anything, it shows why Favre shouldn’t be considered the top QB of all-time and maybe not even top 3 at this point (yes I know how old he is but he’s lost way too many big games in this fashion). THE BEST QBs don’t make that pass - they tuck the ball down and get to the 30 to give his their stud FG kicker a shot (Favre easily would have made it into Longwell’s range had he pulled it down and run). Additionally, Favre not granting an interview after the game, taking a play from Cry Baby Lebron James’ playbook, is just classless. I hate to see myself sour on Favre like this, but enough is enough Brett. Behave like an adult or hang it up we are freakin’ sick of it.

4. If this were the NBA, the conspiracy theory yelling would be loud today from Vikings fans. Some of those calls down the stretch in the Vikings-Saints game were a little too close for comfort, and ALL went the Saints way (including a very bogus PI call). But once you realize everyone and their pet iguana watches the Super Bowl, Vikings-Colts or Saints-Colts was a win-win for the NFL. Only the NBA has to instruct their refs who they want in the finals, not the NFL.

5. I want to thank the Sports Karma Gods for not giving us Brett Favre hype or Rex Ryan talking for 2 weeks. I slept like a baby last night.

6. I went 0-2 Sunday on my NFL picks. The pathetic NFL gambler you all know and love is BACK! And as the most incredible day for gambling and food of the entire year approaches, here are my early picks:

• Colts -5 over Saints (don’t love this line right now though)
• Under 55.5 (I’m big on betting against the public, but this line will go higher to ~57 or 58 by game time, so would hold off betting unless you like the over)
• Heads defeating Tails in pregame coin toss – Tails was on a historic run up until the last two Super Bowls. It was Heads the last two years, thus almost insuring it will be Tails this year. However, after the National Championship debacle (where the coin was one side Longhorn and the other the Alabama A – completely screwing things for everyone), all bets are off on which way this coin is going. I know it’s generally been said, “Tails never fails” but I really like the way Heads has been being aggressive during these Super Bowl flips the last few years. I’m taking Heads in a squeaker.
• Color of liquid poured on winning Super Bowl coach: CLEAR – It won’t pay as well as Blue or even Lime green, but trust me on this one. Last year I went with yellow, and lost to clear H2O. I am in contact with both teams’ sideline refreshment directors, and will tweet right away if I hear anything different (shameless plug: check us out on Twitter @BINGBONGSPORTS).
• O/U 2 commercials featuring monkeys – Should be a down year for monkey commercials given the economy and companys not wanting to show monkeys with jobs while so many are unemployed (now that is higher level thinking people). I like the under.

7. When is Jon Gruden going to stop doing Taco Bell commercials? Honestly.

8. I’ve been criticizing Brendan Fraser’s acting ability the last few weeks ahead of the Extraordinary Measures premier. I ask the BingBong readers - who saw either of the Mummy movies, and how the hell did the first one get a sequel? In response to this argument, several people countered with Frasers' epic role in…wait for it…Encino Man. I mean, if ENCINO MAN is everyone's comeback for Fraser’s best role, well then I proved my point.

-Steve Lugerner

Crystal Ball

With my first post of 2010, (and I apologize for that), I've decided to let you all in on the inner workings of a mad man.  That's right, what you are about to read are the conspiracy theories, plausible predictions, and irrational thoughts that have been running through my mind since the NFL regular season has come to an end.

Belichick-in-Chief:  Let's first begin with my conspiracy theory.  You might think I'm crazy for even suggesting this, but hear me out:  Bill Belichick will be the head coach of the Kansas City Chiefs before the start of the 2011 season (if there is one).  I know a lot people may think I'm talking completely out of turn here, while others may think it's a blind leap based on minimal evidence, but let's take a closer look at this.  Starting with the obvious; who were the offensive and defensive coordinators of the New England Patriots for all three of their Super Bowl wins in 2001, 2003, and 2004?  It was Charlie Weis and Romeo Crennel (respectively).  Within the last two weeks, who was just named offensive coordinator and defensive coordinator for the Kansas City Chiefs?  [Hint: the answer is listed above]  Indeed, it was Charlie Weis and Romeo Crennel again.  They were hired by Chiefs general manager, Scott Pioli.  

Now why does that name sound familiar?  Well, Scott Pioli was the director of player personnel and later vice president of player personnel for the New England Patriots under Belichick.  Besides firing Herm Edwards and implementing a 3-4 defense (the same defensive scheme Belichick has had such great success with in New England), one of Pioli's very first moves as general manager was trading for quarterback Matt Cassel.  Cassel, as many of you know is the quarterback who took over as the starter in New England when Tom Brady suffered a season-ending knee injury in the first game of the 2008 season.  Cassel went on to lead the Patriots to a 10-5 record as a starter, just missed the playoffs, but posted an 89.4 quarterback rating.

I'm sure any good sports fan reading this already knows all of this.  I'm just stating the obvious.  Nothing I've said proves anything other than the fact that Scott Pioli is merely trying to replicate the model of success that thrived so well in New England.  Although here's where it gets tricky.  The official terms of the Cassel deal were that the Patriots traded Cassel and outside linebacker Mike Vrabel (the "heart and soul" of the Patriots defense, if you will) in exchange for the 34th overall pick, yet there were reports at the time that New England had a much better offer on the table for Cassel.  One deal in particular was a three-way trade that would have given the Patriots the 12th overall pick without having to part with Mike Vrabel.  As the above link suggests, there were a few explanations for why the Patriots may have turned down this offer, but to me it reeks of a shady under-the-table dealing between Belichick and Pioli.

Where's the motive for Belichick to leave though?  Sure, all the above information is interesting (at least to me), but why would Belichick leave New England for Kansas City?  Why would he go from the big city where he's heralded to go to a fledgling small market franchise?  Well, it's a lot like the advice Sonny gave to Calogero in A Bronx Tale when asked if he'd rather be loved or feared, to which Sonny replied, "I would rather be feared.  Fear lasts longer than love."  Sure, Belichick is loved in New England, but how many more harsh criticism of first-round home playoff losses or "4th and 2's" will the city of Boston and owner Bob Kraft endure before some of that love starts to fade?  I mean, it has been almost five whole years since he's won a Super Bowl for that city.  So once the love does fade, who's to say Belichick won't do some serious thinking?

On the one hand, Bill certainly doesn't take well to criticism.  He's in a division with an emerging potential powerhouse in the New York Jets.  His best receiver turns 33 in a few weeks and the two hit a bit of a rough patch during this past season.  His next best receiver is a speedster who may miss a substantial portion of next season after suffering significant ligament damage to his knee that will require surgery and plenty of rehabilitation with no guarantee of returning to form once he is ready to play again.  He has an underachieving defense with the wrong combination of veteran depth and young talent save for one or two budding stars.  Then there's his quarterback who will also be 33 by the start of next season and -- in my honest opinion -- seems to truly lack the passion he once had for the game.  I will admit, as many of my friends will tell you, I do not like Tom Brady.  I make no ways around it; I do not like him, BUT that's a conversation for another day (when I have 300 pages to burn).  

Whether I like him or not though, you can't honestly tell me when you look at him at a post-game press conference wearing a designer leather jacket and a hat with a custom-designed "TB" logo embroidered on it -- (no, he's not a spokesman for the National Tuberculosis Association) -- that you see the same kid who was shaking his head in disbelief after winning his first Super Bowl.  You just can't.  I'm a Packers fan and, while it kills me on a much deeper level, I can't help but smile when I see Brett Favre at 40 running down the field, hands raised in the air, celebrating a touchdown the same as he did when he was 25.  I just don't see that passion and enthusiasm out of Brady anymore.  Just go ahead and Google him.  He's the only Hall-of-Fame quarterback who has more GQ poses and "red carpet" pictures come up than actual pictures of him playing football.  But you want to know the worst part??  I don't blame him!  I actually get it.  Even when I watch him lose a big game or have a bad day, as much as I love to see it, at best the most hurtful thing I can scream at my TV is, "Awwwwww, poor baby!  Better go home and cry to your beautiful supermodel wife!"  Honestly, that's the best I've got.  He's 33.  He has his Super Bowl rings.  His plaque in Canton is assured (unfortunately).  He's already suffered one very serious injury and he just had a baby with his gorgeous wife.  I gotta say; if it was 20 degrees outside and there were 11 angry gentlemen waiting for a chance to rip my head off, with all the things I just mentioned, I'd probably pause in the middle of lacing up my cleats too and say, "Why am I doing this again?"


So now take all those reasons and add this into consideration.  In Kansas City, Belichick would also have free reign to do whatever he wants and the fans would worship the ground he walked on just for coming to their team, forget about actually winning.  He'd be reunited with his two most successful coordinators.  He'd have a quarterback who has proven capable of running his offense successfully and is five years younger than his current quarterback.  He'd absolutely terrorize the AFC West.  He'd used the Raiders for scrimmages twice a year.  The Chargers have a coach who might as well stay home for a big game, [keep running LT up the middle against the Jets, Norv; I'm sure the 12th time's the charm].  Obviously, he'd relish the opportunity to play the Broncos and Josh McDaniels twice a year, as Bill has shown a penchant for beating up on his former assistants.  So if and when the Beantown love fades, is Belichick really the kind of guy who will stick around in a place that criticizes him or will he want to go to a division where he's feared and build a second dynasty?   

It's tough to say really.  Although there is one major flaw in all my thinking, as a Patriots fan friend of mine so eloquently put it, "Why the hell would Belichick trade to get three 2nd round picks this year if he's gonna leave the team?"  It's a solid argument, to which I would have to say, a) I never said he'd leave right now, but rather by the start of the '11 season and b) that while Belichick made trades to ensure the Patriots had four draft picks in the first 53 selections of this year's upcoming draft, if he chose to leave for Kansas City this off-season, know that the Chiefs also have four picks in the first 68 selections -- keeping in mind that two of those picks are the 5th and 36th overall selections, while the Patriots' earliest pick is 42nd overall.  Also, who's to say more shady dealings with the Chiefs aren't on their way?  I don't know.  I'll admit it's all pretty far-fetched, but tie all those reasons together and add the fact that he'd be reunited with Scott Pioli and I think this whole thing is worth at least one curiously raised eyebrow and a hearty, "Hmmmmm..."

Am I making much ado about nothing?  Perhaps.  Could I be absolutely dead wrong?  Probably.  Will they ever make another live-action Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie?  Actually, yes.  [It's slated for 2012, so sit tight.]  However, whether you actually think I'm on to something with this or you think I need to lay off the Red Bull for a while, I leave you with a few words Bill Belichick released in a statement to the press the day Scott Pioli was hired by the Chiefs:

"...Now with the opportunity to steer his own ship and a vision of building a winner, there is no more capable, hardworking, loyal, team-oriented person than Scott Pioli. On a personal level, the Belichick-Pioli bond runs far deeper than our workplace, as we and our families have shared countless memories away from football. Working side by side with one of my best friends for almost two decades is special enough in itself. But to help each other achieve success beyond our dreams is a blessing and something I will always remember and appreciate."

USC-attle:  This one isn't even a mystery to me, it's practically a guarantee.  Frankly, I'm exhausted from all my Belichick-theorizing so I'll keep this one simple.

• What NFL team has three players on its current roster who were also part of Pete Carroll's back-to-back National Championship teams at USC?  The Seattle Seahawks.  
  

• What NFL team did Pete Carroll just become the head coach of?  The Seattle Seahawks. 
  

• From 2003 through 2005, which three players combined for 185 rushing and passing touchdowns for USC?  Matt Leinart, Reggie Bush, and LenDale White.  
  

• Which three current NFL players either have diminished roles and/or are unhappy with their current role on their team?  Matt Leinart, Reggie Bush, and LenDale White.  

Now wasn't that easy?

-Dave

(I can't believe I almost forgot about this magazine cover, thank God for the internet)

BINGBONG's FIRST PODCAST: Jersey Shore Finale and the NFL Championship Games

(CLICK ON THE TITLE ABOVE TO LISTEN)

It might not have the production value of other blog's, but its got the heart. Our first guest is Jersey Shore expert and wannabe juice head, Michael Solomon.

I have no idea if this even works...seeing as the file is 17MBs (and 25 minutes long), but if you can stand the download time and listening to two whiney dudes, it is worth the wait. ENJOY!

Just received this link after we recored which answers one of our questions about the shows future: http://satellitetvguru.net/jersey-shore-cast-to-return-for-season-2/

-Steve Lugerner

P.S. That squeaking noise at the 9 minute mark is me moving the laptop and not one of us farting. COME AT ME BRO!

Lugie's List 1/20 - I ALREADY WORK AROUND THE CLOCK!

Yes, I know it's Wednesday already. Yes, I know by now you've stopped reading about last week’s NFL games and have turned to the conference championships. Listen, I ALREADY WORK AROUND THE CLOCK! I can't squeeze any more out of my day between a day job, girlfriend, BingBong articles, NHL Hockey '10, creating gimp necklaces that I sell on 50th and 5th or my new love for Twittering (or is it twettering...).

Let’s get to the list:

1. Who knew Jets-Chargers would be the only decent game from the weekend. The Saints, Colts and Vikings didn’t waste any time after the bye week. Each busted the game open quickly, something the Chargers had a chance to do, but failed. Which brings me to…

2. Norv Turner ladies and gentleman! One of those guys who is an ‘offensive genius,’ but has never amounted to anything as a head coach. With a chance to slam the door on the Jets and go up two scores in the first half, the Chargers had one awful penalty after another killing drive after drive (which continued throughout the game). A Norv Turner team lacking discipline? NO WAY! Leading us to...

3. A Wade Phillips team choking in the playoffs? NO WAY! After the Cowboys finally secured their first playoff victory in a whooping 13 years, the BOYS were blown out in embarrassing fashion. Reports out of Big D say Wade is back for 2010 and the Chargers are giving Norv a contract extension! I’d honestly bet my life savings Norv Turner does not finish the length of that contract extension.

4. On the topic of the choke jobs, I’m convinced the life of a kicker is the worst in all of sports. First, you can be one of the best in the NFL (Nate Kaeding first team All-Pro) and one atrocious day will be the one people remember forever. Second, what the hell does a kicker do at practice from August-January? I get sick of my desk job some days, imagine kicking field goals day-after-day on the practice field. At a certain point isn’t it like riding a bike for these guys? I’d rather watch paint dry. Third, you have to room with the punter during training camp, and its well-documented 80% of punters in the NFL wet the bed. Don’t ask me how I know this - I work in market research.

Check out some solid Nate Kaeding suicide jokes at http://deadspin.com/5451228/nate-kaeding-suicide-joke-watch I just pass on the links, don’t judge me!

5. (re-reading Friday’s column…I went 3 for 1 in picks? I alluded to the Jets winning? And now I’m tooting my own horn in my own column? Dam right! I’ll be ice skating in hell if you need me.)

6. My early picks (more to come Friday): Jets +8 over Colts, Saints -4 over Vikings

7. Since Favre has gone from being my favorite NFL player, to one of my most hated purely due to the media’s obsession with the smell of his jock strap, I will be actively rooting for the Saints Sunday. Two weeks of Super Bowl hype with Brett Favre would be worse than a House of Pain marathon followed by the George Lopez Show (Take it easy people…I’m just kidding… I DVR the TBS Tuesday night lineup religiously).

8. BingBongSports has a new Twitter account. Get new article alerts, off the cuff sports commentary and maybe an accidental sext or two (wait, what's the sexual equivalent to tweeting? Sweexting? Tweexting?) Username: BingBongSports.

9. Top three best/worst movie trailer quotes of all time (in some order):

• I ALREADY WORK AROUND THE CLOCK! - Harrison Ford in Extraordinary Measures
• YOU'RE LOSING ME MY JURY! - Gene Hackman in Runaway Jury
• I DON'T PLAY THESE GAMES - Vin Diesel in xXx

That's the list...feel free to comment and add some gems. And if you are feeling suicidal or just downright nutty, watch this entire thing http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UYBx7yxEME4 (courtesy of reader Sam Abramson).

10. TV News: Michael C. Hall and John Lithgow both won well-deserved Golden Globes over the weekend for their work in Dexter Season 4. If you don’t watch the show, I'll say it again, Dexter is my top recommendation to anyone looking for a new series after The Wire.

24 Season premiere – I’m a little luke warm on the start to this season. I know people were down on last season generally, but I feel this season got off to a slow start. Nukes as a plot line have always served 24 well, so I expect things to pick up. On a side note, after learning the season was actually filmed in Canada and NOT New York City (despite the aerial and building shots of NYC), I find myself noticing that every non-descript alley scene is so obviously not New York. I know a New York alley when I see one people. 24 4pm-8pm: B+.

-Steven Lugerner

I Heart the Washington Wizards!

I made the argument a week or so ago that the Wizards were in by far the worst shape of any DC team...and historically there is no question they are the most pathetic team in DC (Nats need another 25 years of crapiness to even match them).

A must read for DC Sports fans (or curious NBA fans) this morning from Tom Boswell of the Washington Post:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/01/18/AR2010011803530_2.html

The highlight to me:
These days, everybody uses the Nationals as the standard of "bad" in Washington. And they are really bad. Their won-lost percentage in the five years since they moved to the District is .424.
So, what do you think the Wizards' win percentage is since '79? That's 31 seasons. It's .423!

A few BingBong programming notes:

• Expect a late edition of Lugie's List for tomorrow morning
• Wed/Thursday - the people you never want to sit at a blackjack table with
• Friday - NFL Picks for conference championships.

Also, looking into getting some podcasts with the BingBong team ASAP. Stay tuned.

-Steve Lugerner

Gamblers Anonymous: YOU PLAY TO WIN THE GAME...unless you're betting!

It’s playoff time in the NFL and from a gambler’s perspective it’s time to dig deep. The lines are too good – too right on to make any bet with the same certainty you would have had betting say the Colts to cover against the Rams early season. A few things to think about:

• Go with your gut off the bat and never look back. If you try to analyze a three point spread in an obvious tight playoff game, you’ll likely go on tilt and lose your mind way before kick-off.


• The masses are asses. Bet the opposite of where the action is going. Last week when the Packers-Cardinals line moved from the Pack being a 3 point underdog to a 3 point favorite…that should send off a red flag. Arizona at home getting 3 is a solid bet to begin with, but throw-in the public heavily betting the Packers? It was a lock.


• Opposite theory. Everyone has a tendency to bet the favorite because hey, they are favored to win who says they can’t cover 3 points? Just go the opposite of your gut and don’t look back.

So basically my advice is bet your gut, bet against the public and bet the opposite of your gut. Maybe #1 and #3 cancel out, thus giving you #2 (bet against the public). If everyone could now please print the first part of this post and light it on fire…I think we can move forward.

Now that you thoroughly have no idea which way to pick this week, here are my picks:

Cardinals +7 over Saints – Anyone who thinks the Saints defense is going to slow down Arizona is dreaming. The Saints D declined significantly toward the end of the year and the Packers last week were one of the best defenses in football and got dismantled by Kurt Warner and company. Throw in the fact the Saints stopped covering their big spreads late in the season, and this one to me is a no brainer. The Cardinals are not 7 points worse than the Saints.

Jets +8 over San Diego – Are the Jets due for a classic “stink up the joint performance?” Absolutely. But this is the playoffs and any team with a defense as good as theirs, it’s hard not taking the points. Does this team remind me a little of the 2000 Ravens with Trent Dilfer at QB? (Sadly, I think Dilfer might be better than Sanchez right now) A little - that’s the scary part. Jets money-line anyone? (And yes, you can blame me for ‘smushing’ the Jets chances in this paragraph – Ronnie from Jersey Shore style.)

Colts -7 over Ravens – I think the Colts are going to come out on a mission. The Spurs of the NFL cruised into the playoffs and will now turn up the intensity. Considering the Ravens haven’t beaten the Colts since 2002, I think there is a solid chance this game gets blown open early. As well as the Ravens are playing, Manning is on a mission. This is probably the game I would stay away from, but if you ‘have a problem’ – when in doubt take the Colts.

Vikings -3 over Cowboys – I think the Cowboys, after beating up on an uninspired Eagles defense the last two weeks, will run into a buzz saw Sunday. The ‘Boys are not this good people…the Eagles were just that mediocre. Everyone likes the Cowboys in this game…so I’m going the other way.

YOU PLAY TO WIN THE GAME.....HELLLO? YOU PLAY TO WIN THE GAME!

-Steve Lugerner

Big Mac, Lane Kiffin, and Vacationing on Revis Island

Few thoughts on the big stories in sports this week:

• I missed the Mark McGwire interview with Bob Costas, but caught the interview with Bob Ley yesterday on Outside the Lines. I found myself getting angrier and angrier as I watched McGwire's responses. When I first heard the story hit, it was a breath of fresh air. Years of obvious suspicions confirmed from the source, without some investigative reporting banging down the door. But here was McGwire, apologizing over and over again for his actions, but yet kept saying it was his "God given talent" that hit all those home runs. So what are you apologizing for Mark? Bob Ley asked this exact question, and McGwire gave some gibberish answer of "I just wanted to apologize Bob...blah blah blah." The more I actually think about it, I'm not sure steroids alone would make you hit 9 additional home runs in a season. We honestly have no clue if McGwire could have hit 62 in 1998 without the help of steroids. However, it is an absolute joke that he can't admit it helped increase his strength and performance in some unknown measurement. His Xs and Os to very obvious questions just didn’t add up in a very awkward and insincere interview. Why would you call and apologize to Roger Maris' widow if you didn't deep down know you disgraced baseball by ruining the most precious record in American sports? It makes no sense. I for one completely reject all this garbage about McGwire being "sincere in his apology." What this really was? A former steroid created superstar trying to get back into baseball as a coach and needing to get rid of the monkey on his back before doing so. Completely selfish - if he cared about the game and the damage he did, he would be more open about invalidating his 1998 season as far as public perception, rather than credit his "God given talent." EDITED: 1/13 - 10AM Check out this SI article from David Epstein about what steroid experts think of McGwire's logic: http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2010/writers/david_epstein/01/12/yesalis.mcgwire/index.html
• Just when Nick Saban was solidifying his spot as the biggest schmuck in college football, Lane Kiffin stole the title right back. I can’t for the life of me figure out how Kiffin has gotten this far in life looking and acting like an asshole. Does he look like the guy who ‘nails’ a job interview? I guess leaving Tennessee for USC is no brainer – but I can’t respect a coach who bails on an unfinished job. Even in the worst of times (JIM ZORN!), I respect a coach that goes down with the ship rather than quitting on a team or organization. Kiffin now lands back at the place that gave him his big name status, with the best job currently in college football. By the way, I've got the 3rd quarter of Week 5 of the 2010 NFL season in the Pete Carroll Regretting his Return to the NFL Office Pool, right after Seneca Wallace throws his third INT with Matt Hasselbeck on crutches throwing his clipboard in disgust.
• SPRING BREAK '10 ON REVIS ISLAND EVERYONE!!!!! Playoff picks coming Friday…

-Steve Lugerner

Dexter Season 4 Review

(MAYBE I’m 2 months late on this article…but with On Demand ruling the world these days, wanted to let a few more people finish the season. DISCLAIMER: If you watch Dexter and don’t want to know about Season 4 just yet, do not read this. And if you don’t watch Dexter, you are an idiot – read this to punish yourself.)

First off, what a season. I’ll openly defend/argue with anyone that Season 4 was the best season of Dexter. The ‘middle seasons’ for a drama series of this nature usually end up being the best looking back. It is the right combination of established characters, running plot lines/twists, and no end to the series in sight, which can cause a series to compromise itself in an effort to wrapping things up in a nice and neat manner (and screw you David Chase I’m still NOT OK with that ending). Think about it – how many shows that you were truly invested in did the last season blow away the pervious?

That brings us to Season 4 of Dexter. I’ve never seen so many people legitimately disturbed by a TV show. My initial thoughts:

• Holy CRAP! I knew after a relatively week ending to Season 3 (all loose ends tied off for the most part – no real cliff hanger) that Season 4 was going to end with something crazy. What I love about Dexter is they do a good job of disguising twists and turns in the plot. I’m one of those annoying people who predict what is going to happen, often ruining the surprise for myself. My first instincts when Dexter found Rita’s phone in the house was that Rita had witnessed something that was going to blow Dexter’s secret life wide open. Couldn’t have been more wrong.
• I’ve raved about Lithgow’s performance as the Trinity killer in this blog, but I’ll do it again. Unbelievable performance that honestly sent chills down my spine. I’ve re-watched that last scene with Dexter, and as Lithgow and Michael C. Hall mention right after the end of the season in their interview, the scene is really wild to watch the second time around.
• Rita was on a long list of people who died in Season 4 because Dexter got sloppy and left Trinity alive. I’m curious, after Dexter’s newfound love for his family and a desire to ditch his dark passenger, how can he rationalize all these deaths? He glossed over it in his pursuit of Trinity, but it certainly sets an interesting plot line for Season 5. He has no one to avenge for Rita’s death. The startling revelation that Dexter wants to get rid of his dark passenger (spurred on by his new emotional feelings for his family and others) will also be a key start to Season 5. Never before has Dexter approached this type of radical change, and it remains to be seen whether it can be done.

With the recent events of Rita, Trinity, Deb, and the disintegration of his family, where does Dexter go from here? I’ve had people argue that this will likely not be the end of this plot line, essentially making Season 5 more like a Season 4B. 1) Dexter left too many loose ends and evidence all over the place that can be traced back to him (Trinity’s family, fingerprints in their house) and 2) Rita’s death creates a whole new very personal investigation for the Miami Homicide Department that will have them ratchet up their investigation on Trinity.

I’ve had a very different thought about Season 5 and everyone knows I’m willing to make bold predictions for the sake of blog traffic! The show has a very solid reoccurring premise/theme (although shakable to create tension at times): Dexter is smarter than everyone and can get out of anything allowing him to kill time after time without getting caught. Kind of the same thought in 24 where we know Jack Bauer can’t possible die (although he was dead for a little in one season…don’t know how to rationalize that). I really don’t think this is the time to shatter this premise – not yet. I actually see season 5 taking place 4-5 years down the road. I think the ending with Dexter’s son in the blood is key. The show is really focused on the relationship between Dexter and his dad, and what better way to bring it full circle than accelerate the age of his son to the point where he becomes a focal point of the show. Maybe he shows early Dexter-like tendencies that lead Dexter struggling with how to advise his son in the same way his father struggled.

The only flaw with this is taking an infant child to say age 6 and then down the road age 15 or 16 might be tough to ‘age’ the other characters, but certainly could be done.
The other plot lines I see jumping back into the fray are A) the evolution of Dexter’s dark passenger we’ve touched on earlier B) any fallout with Deb discovering Dexter’s mother and brother and C) one thing glossed over was Cody getting into a fight with a kid who saw Dexter leave the campsite inexplicably in the middle of the night. My final prediction: Someone else will learn Dexter’s secret life next season and unlike Miguel Prado in Season 3, I think it will be of an accidental nature. My guess would be Deb considering how excellent a detective she is and with her approaching deeper aspects of Dexter’s past.

-Steve Lugerner